Detach from all expectancy. Allow people to be who they are. Every individual is on their own path of evolution.

When we allow ourselves and other people to freely be themselves while offering acceptance of individuals or circumstances; We do one of the two: 1. Grow in love.  2. Separate in love.

When we decide to grow together in love, relationships and circumstances bring the best out of us, not the worst. Growing in love, we realize there is a continual effort to build one another as well as the relationship. All parties are aware of this and equally participate in the growth of themselves, their relationships and others. There is lightness of flow, happiness that stems from the heart and a willingness to give without expectancy. The relationships provide peace, harmony and unity. The choice to walk in love has been made the key priority.

When we decide to separate in love, we acknowledge the fact that we are not good for one another. The situations or circumstances breed anxiety and fear. The relationship does not promote growth or embody love. There is constant discord and the unwillingness to compromise beyond oneself. Criticism, attack and blame seem constant. However, we don’t judge ourselves or the other parties involved. There is no blame necessary, as we have all played our parts.  The good. The bad. The ugly. We are aware and simply decide we are better off apart, well wishes given. No malice, hatred or bitterness felt. We separate in love, while allowing true fruitfulness of love to take form for others and ourselves.

Awareness of either choice is key. Remember there’s always an effortless flow to what’s supposed to be. In order to allow that flow, you’ve got to move yourself out the way and allow our Creator to dictate what relationships and or circumstances come and go for us. When we allow, we then enable freedom that offers a detachment to the outcomes we have formed for ourselves within. We then no longer feel the need to dictate or control how things take place or unfold outside of us. We simply allow and place our entire expectancy on our Creator, never on a circumstance or an individual.

Decide to make the choice to remain aware our own internal compass, our own continual growth. Decide to allow things to take shape naturally. Decide to drop feelings of animosity, blame and bitterness. As all these emotions come from an unwillingness of acceptance, to what we think or how we feel things should have been. When we attempt to control the outcome of circumstances or relationships we imprison ourselves emotionally and mentally.

    Let go. Be fee. Allow others to do the same damn thing. Repeat! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lie. Cheat. Master Manipulator. You wreak havoc with your constant infidelities. Your actions indirectly cause me to question my worthiness, my appearance and at times the point of my existence. I start to walk in fear. Do you love me? Will you be there? What have I done to cause this outpour of rejection bestowed upon me? When questions like this begin to plague me, we’ve run our course. We are not meant to be.

Boy Bye!

You want sex, hot meals and flawed skin on demand. A home kept clean and nice, quiet and comfortable when you get home. Rub your back; raise the kids; hold you down but never did you truly intend to make this house our home. Do you invest your fidelity, energy and time? Can I call on you to be there for me, when it’s my time to be in need? Or will you simply offer empty excuses as to why you couldn’t be?

Boy Bye!

When trials come to test integrity, honesty and loyalty, you know the characteristics you only intend to receive; you fail each time, resorting to phony apologies and fake tears. But trust, that karma can definitely be a bitch! You’ll soon see how it feels to be with someone who embodies self-interest and deceit. I know longer fall victim to your manipulation tactics, I guess it was fun for you while it lasted.

Boy Bye!

Why is it that you tell me, you can’t stand the thought of another being loved by me? Yet, you’re the one who seems to cause the most harm to me. Have you truly loved me unconditionally? So busy looking at what it takes to give instead of realizing all you had to gain in me. I doubt that you actually took the time to get to know me. I’m starting to see that you came not to give, but only to take which will only suck the life out of me. Now you know I won’t just sit back and allow such foolery to be done to me. One day, you’ll realize and see what you’ve lost when you betrayed me.

Boy bye!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad or bitter. In loving you, I have learned how to love and value me so much better! You have taught me exactly what I don’t want for me, things I won’t accept from, or for myself because I know better. Had I not come across you, I wouldn’t know how to properly value individuals who actually do tell the truth. I now see how important it is to value myself first, above all else. In doing so I can properly discern individuals, who genuinely respect, love and care for me unselfishly. Thanks to you, I was able to witness what the absence of truth will do.

Boy Bye!

I never understood why people viewed break ups as a bad thing, oftentimes painful but, not bad. If we didn’t have so called bad relationships that lead to our painful break ups we definitely wouldn’t know and understand how to appreciate and honor the good ones. I say that to say this: Love should never be manipulated as a false sense of an identity to attain but instead love and relation is meant to be given freely, without expectancy or material gain; Love doesn’t cause us to classify, its meant to combine us instead. True love unites us, liberates us and makes us feel free to be who we are comfortably! That’s what true love feels like, indeed!!

Are we giving unconditionally in our relationships or have we just been giving of ourselves, secretly waiting to receive? Do you find yourself doing acts of love but becoming irritated when the gesture isn’t reciprocated? How about attention seeking and when your attempts are seemingly unnoticed you shut down, attack or even place blame. We then start to believe it’s not us, oh no! It’s just that our spouse lacks the ability to give us time, attention and love, the way we want. Do you find yourself giving and then taking away when an outcome didn’t go your way? If this sounds like you, forgive yourself and decide to develop a healthier approach at meeting the needs of yourself.

The examples mentioned above are examples of emotional manipulation and attempts of the Ego’s desires to change the behavior of your spouse in order to advance ones own personal self-interests. This behavior usually always leads to the demise of a relationship, also called the break up. When we seek to control another we destroy the free spirit nature that’s in all of us. Control always leads to ruin. We have all been guilty of this type of manipulation at one point in our lives or another, don’t self-loathe, just do better. I know this isn’t the type of love we wish to receive so let’s not make it the type of love we seek to entertain. Emotional manipulation isn’t an act of love; it’s just empty attempts to fill the Ego’s feelings of lack and discontentment.

The Ego begins to attack and the break up inevitably begins to take place. The person we claim to love has now become a participant in our ego’s destructive game, which is the link behind the pain. If we go through life looking for people to meet our needs, make us happy, provide our entertainment and so on, we will go through life looking at break up after break up. Why is that you ask, because we have begun to expect that our spouse’s become in charge of our happiness, joys, pains even our sorrows. People “break up” when they fail to get the other person to meet their internal and or external needs. People break up when they feel the other person could no longer make “me” happy or failed to keep “me” entertained; We often refer to those partners as being “just too boring”, its always one thing they lack or another if you let your Ego tell it.

When the Ego’s attempts fail as they normally do, at getting our spouses to do what we want them to, resentment, separation and blame begin to take form. We begin to feel a false sense of isolation, which stems from shame; the shame usually comes from the blind attack we aimed at the spouse we claim to love to begin with, all while becoming blinded to our true identity, which is ultimately the very love that we continue to seek.

We cannot place unrealistic goals on our spouses when we are the only authority in control of our emotional stability. Are we now becoming blind to the fact that we are responsible for our own happiness and also its sustainability, another human being can merely add to it but never can they create our ability to maintain it.

When we decide to give our power to sustain our own emotional well being to someone else, we have decided to become a light switch so to speak. We have given our spouses the power to turn us on and off. When our spouses do and act according to how we think they should, we are happy. When they don’t, we are unhappy and then begin to place blame and judgment based on unrealistic expectancy. Why would we give authority and place that type of responsibility on our mates in the first place, should be the real issue of debate.

 

 

 

What do relationships mean anyway? Nowadays it tends to mean I become you and you become me. We have to want and do the same things or it seems to become a little strange. No longer holding my own identity. I’m lost in you. You’re lost in me.

Do relationships mean I now need to prove myself worthy, while you suddenly become the judge of me? How do I spend my time? What can I offer you? What have my accomplishments been? What kind of money do I spend, but at the end of the day how will those things make your heart mend?

To be in a relationship is about knowing what I can offer while being open and upfront about it. To be in a relationship is to provide truth, freedom and acceptance to one another. Relationships requires sacrifice and commitment in spite of indifference. The sacrifice of time, unconditional love, ability to compromise, without losing oneself is what a healthy relationship is all about.

To be in a relationship isn’t for me to try to make you understand me. Relationships established in love will seek to understand, not seek to be heard and this is something that happens naturally. Relationships are to offer freedom to be uniquely you; it’s to accept you as you are with what you have; you do the same for me.

Relationships have turned into misuse and abuse as well as what I can buy for you. It takes true character to remain loyal, centered and unbothered. Relationships based on control, phony smiles, bank figures and credit scores leaves you feeling empty while the search for more continues.

Keeping up with the Jones’, talking behind ones back, are stepping stones to misery. Putting on an image for naysayers and people who have the same issues, this is nonsense, I tell you! This isn’t just about spouses, but all relationships. Unless the relationship is healthy and uplifting to the spirit, stay in your personal space. Live life peacefully and authentically.

Healthy relationships include acceptance, understanding, compassion and mutuality. Relation means I see you in me; therefore I am not able to view your weaknesses as my controversy. But, an entryway for growth instead. Relation means I have decided to see the goodness in you in spite of what everybody else has said. Relation means I don’t take offense and view you as my enemy but my friend, someone who has been misunderstood. Relation means to decide to let ego go, seek to understand and practice love.

Communicate they say, why when you really don’t want to hear what I have to say. You want me to make you feel better by the words that I utter. Why must I pretend to like the things that you do, in order for you to feel like you are a better you. No! How dare you want me to be anyone other than me, in order to please you?

Communicate they say, why when words are misused and taken wrong every day. When I communicate, you complain and say, “why did you have to say it that way”? When I decide to give my undivided while remaining quiet, you say, “I could care less about you or your affairs”. You see communication isn’t needed; it’s a sense of comfort in that false identity that you continue to seek.

Communicate they say, why when words uttered by me cause you discomfort when things aren’t spoken how you’d like them to be. Did you want my opinion or your version of what you thought my opinion should be? Did you want me to take on a false identity to please you, that won’t happen with me; I can only give you my truth and my opinion on the things that I see. Don’t expect any falsehood with me. I am true to me, that’s why I am comfortable expressing myself so openly. Try it sometimes, there’s freedom in that, trust me.

Fact is this; your perception is linked to your identity and my perception to me. Our responsibility to one another is in the way that we speak, integrity and honesty, remaining kind and open-minded. I can’t be the cause of your feelings, regardless if they make you feel worse or better. All of your feelings are internal why do you think me being on the outside, can make you feel any better? Have you given that power to me? Please take it back; it’s too much for me. My responsibility to you is in mastering me; your responsibility is to do the same for me. After all I can’t give anything to you, that I first couldn’t give to me.

Communication is only effective when you and I both feed off the words that are being spoken. When we are outcome driven and focused on what can be given, not just on what’s being spoken. Communication is effective when who is right vs. who is wrong is no longer the point to be made after all. Instead we seek to gain a deeper understanding of what’s truly going on underneath the misconceptions of it all.

Once we are able to accept the words that are being spoken without defensiveness, judgments and or word battles, but instead make some points that you and I can both live by and honor. If this isn’t the case then there isn’t any point to communicate, we have allowed the ego to take our place. The communication has now turned into an identity enhancer, ego filler, pride pleaser and I don’t want to be apart of that at all, I’ll just talk to you later when you and I both can be present enough to make positive impactful statements.

 

 

 

Lust and love we often confuse the two, when we’ve been blinded by the thought of being in love with you. When you can no longer meet my needs, its no longer you that I need…its lust, not love indeed. Love wishes to enhance and provide, its lust that wishes to control, gain and divide all for its own selfishness and pride. Lust, not love is what comes from your attacker now it’s domestic violence that has caused nothing but havoc.

Can you properly love him when true love for you lacks, now causing you to stay and endure the many forms of his attacks? Emotional, physical and sexual abuse too, these are sure artifacts of lust, which is one of the links to the domestic abuse.

You say you stay for the kids but the truth is this, you’re driven by fear and have gained your identity in this dysfunctional – ship. Where’s the relation in all of this? You want to help him, so he can be the man you know he can be, but in this, where is your true identity? How can you help him when you’ve given your power to him so freely? How would you see this when you’ve decided to dismiss the first person you needed to love in all of this? You’re love for yourself is what’s missing in this. You’re trying to give him what you yourself, don’t have yet to give.

Pray for him, encourage him, he also needs love too, he’s probably hurting just as much as you. He wants healing and guidance too he just doesn’t know where to start or who to turn to. In order to help him regain his God given identity, separation is a vital strategy. Help him to help himself to be the man he knows himself to be, by allowing God to do His work in him on His time, not mine.

Allow God to take control so the betterment of the both of you can unfold.

Self Love ~ Give Love ~ Repeat

 

Loyalty, what does it even mean? It means the state or quality of being loyal; characterized by or showing faithfulness to commitments, vows, allegiance and obligations, according to Webster’s dictionary. Yet and still loyalty seems to be based on the situation and not the obligation. Are you loyal, do you even know how to be? Is there such a thing? Loyalty seems to be based on opportunity. Loyalty has been turned into what can you do for me. That’s not loyalty, that’s just another form of the opportunist’s quality. You’re only loyal when you think you’ll win. You’re only loyal when faced with another struggle. You’re only loyal when your spouse keeps you in that love bubble. Am I an opportunist you ask? Well, of course I am because when you know longer benefit me, there is certainly no loyalty.

Of course it’s about me, and my current need that’s why when you turn your back – so does the loyalty. Loyalty, what does it mean? Am I loyal to you only when you’re in front of me? When you’re not around, does the loyalty still stand? Of course not, because there is no loyalty in this self centered society. Loyal people, do they exist? I often wish loyalty stop being dismissed. If you’re only loyal to me when I am here for you, but turn your back, when I can no longer do for you. Where is the loyalty? This isn’t loyalty – this is a form of its misuse. Loyalty, please just cut the nonsense and tell the truth; loyalty and faithfulness only exist when it becomes apart of your truth. You cannot be one way, yet another when you’re faced in front of another! True loyalty embodies faithfulness from the very start. If you yourself aren’t loyal – please don’t expect it back. Learn what it means and practice it faithfully – then and only then will you receive loyalty back.