Detach from all expectancy. Allow people to be who they are. Every individual is on their own path of evolution.

When we allow ourselves and other people to freely be themselves while offering acceptance of individuals or circumstances; We do one of the two: 1. Grow in love.  2. Separate in love.

When we decide to grow together in love, relationships and circumstances bring the best out of us, not the worst. Growing in love, we realize there is a continual effort to build one another as well as the relationship. All parties are aware of this and equally participate in the growth of themselves, their relationships and others. There is lightness of flow, happiness that stems from the heart and a willingness to give without expectancy. The relationships provide peace, harmony and unity. The choice to walk in love has been made the key priority.

When we decide to separate in love, we acknowledge the fact that we are not good for one another. The situations or circumstances breed anxiety and fear. The relationship does not promote growth or embody love. There is constant discord and the unwillingness to compromise beyond oneself. Criticism, attack and blame seem constant. However, we don’t judge ourselves or the other parties involved. There is no blame necessary, as we have all played our parts.  The good. The bad. The ugly. We are aware and simply decide we are better off apart, well wishes given. No malice, hatred or bitterness felt. We separate in love, while allowing true fruitfulness of love to take form for others and ourselves.

Awareness of either choice is key. Remember there’s always an effortless flow to what’s supposed to be. In order to allow that flow, you’ve got to move yourself out the way and allow our Creator to dictate what relationships and or circumstances come and go for us. When we allow, we then enable freedom that offers a detachment to the outcomes we have formed for ourselves within. We then no longer feel the need to dictate or control how things take place or unfold outside of us. We simply allow and place our entire expectancy on our Creator, never on a circumstance or an individual.

Decide to make the choice to remain aware our own internal compass, our own continual growth. Decide to allow things to take shape naturally. Decide to drop feelings of animosity, blame and bitterness. As all these emotions come from an unwillingness of acceptance, to what we think or how we feel things should have been. When we attempt to control the outcome of circumstances or relationships we imprison ourselves emotionally and mentally.

    Let go. Be fee. Allow others to do the same damn thing. Repeat! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How do I not take offense when I am filled with words, actions and thoughts from the past? How do I learn to love, when the life I have lived, so full of abandonment, addictions and at times even hatred from those who claim to love and support me throughout my existence? What was the meaning of the experiences after all? To avoid love or live in pain either choice is one in the same.

How do I continue to do what’s right – I’ve been taught that life is supposed to be a fight. Now I see I have been misguided, entirely. God said his yoke was easy to carry, burdens light. So why do I feel as though I need to fight? I don’t actually. There aren’t any fights other then the wars created within me, stemming from negative thoughts I have decided to carry.  If I simply let it all go would there be any controversy, it simply would not be.

How and why do I fight to remain in control, control of everything outside of me? I realize this type of thinking is pure insanity. We are to work on things we can change; allow the rest to take form and be shaped by life’s universal energy. So what can I actually control? I can control me! I decide to take control by deciding not to focus on or judge things that’s happening outside of me, but instead do my part to transform my current version of reality. But how to do that is the key and that is to begin by transforming thoughts of fear, anger and hatred to acceptance, freedom and genuine trust in my creator.

I am aware that this type of trust that I speak of can only come from my spirit, my heart. I can control my emotions based on what my spirit tells me, not what my mind thinks it knows. I can control who and what I allow to affect my energy. This is where my work is to be done.

How do I remain true to who I know myself to be, if every person around me is trying to change and shape me into what they want me to be? After all, we were born to be unique, grow into whom we were born to be, a magnificent masterpiece filled with an abundance of love given to circulate more of.

The Lesson: Learn to love in order to dim the pain. Hurt people generally hurt other people way more then they likely know. Love trumps hate but very few people practice love, but would rather argue, disagree and make that their ultimate truth. Closing off to their core, their nature and this is to love, unite and create abundance of everything desirable, everything lovable, everything true within you.

Fact is this – until we change the cycle of hatred, anger and violence we recreate what we hate, as opposed to putting out flames by deviating from the fuel that adds to the flame.  In order to produce what I love, I’ll simply make the shift from the insanity of trying to control things outside of me to working on what’s inside of me and putting on God’s armor daily! (Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV)

I never understood why people viewed break ups as a bad thing, oftentimes painful but, not bad. If we didn’t have so called bad relationships that lead to our painful break ups we definitely wouldn’t know and understand how to appreciate and honor the good ones. I say that to say this: Love should never be manipulated as a false sense of an identity to attain but instead love and relation is meant to be given freely, without expectancy or material gain; Love doesn’t cause us to classify, its meant to combine us instead. True love unites us, liberates us and makes us feel free to be who we are comfortably! That’s what true love feels like, indeed!!

Are we giving unconditionally in our relationships or have we just been giving of ourselves, secretly waiting to receive? Do you find yourself doing acts of love but becoming irritated when the gesture isn’t reciprocated? How about attention seeking and when your attempts are seemingly unnoticed you shut down, attack or even place blame. We then start to believe it’s not us, oh no! It’s just that our spouse lacks the ability to give us time, attention and love, the way we want. Do you find yourself giving and then taking away when an outcome didn’t go your way? If this sounds like you, forgive yourself and decide to develop a healthier approach at meeting the needs of yourself.

The examples mentioned above are examples of emotional manipulation and attempts of the Ego’s desires to change the behavior of your spouse in order to advance ones own personal self-interests. This behavior usually always leads to the demise of a relationship, also called the break up. When we seek to control another we destroy the free spirit nature that’s in all of us. Control always leads to ruin. We have all been guilty of this type of manipulation at one point in our lives or another, don’t self-loathe, just do better. I know this isn’t the type of love we wish to receive so let’s not make it the type of love we seek to entertain. Emotional manipulation isn’t an act of love; it’s just empty attempts to fill the Ego’s feelings of lack and discontentment.

The Ego begins to attack and the break up inevitably begins to take place. The person we claim to love has now become a participant in our ego’s destructive game, which is the link behind the pain. If we go through life looking for people to meet our needs, make us happy, provide our entertainment and so on, we will go through life looking at break up after break up. Why is that you ask, because we have begun to expect that our spouse’s become in charge of our happiness, joys, pains even our sorrows. People “break up” when they fail to get the other person to meet their internal and or external needs. People break up when they feel the other person could no longer make “me” happy or failed to keep “me” entertained; We often refer to those partners as being “just too boring”, its always one thing they lack or another if you let your Ego tell it.

When the Ego’s attempts fail as they normally do, at getting our spouses to do what we want them to, resentment, separation and blame begin to take form. We begin to feel a false sense of isolation, which stems from shame; the shame usually comes from the blind attack we aimed at the spouse we claim to love to begin with, all while becoming blinded to our true identity, which is ultimately the very love that we continue to seek.

We cannot place unrealistic goals on our spouses when we are the only authority in control of our emotional stability. Are we now becoming blind to the fact that we are responsible for our own happiness and also its sustainability, another human being can merely add to it but never can they create our ability to maintain it.

When we decide to give our power to sustain our own emotional well being to someone else, we have decided to become a light switch so to speak. We have given our spouses the power to turn us on and off. When our spouses do and act according to how we think they should, we are happy. When they don’t, we are unhappy and then begin to place blame and judgment based on unrealistic expectancy. Why would we give authority and place that type of responsibility on our mates in the first place, should be the real issue of debate.

 

 

 

The feelings we carry within, why do we carry them –Where is the beauty that we truly want within? Instead all that’s felt, internal heaviness, a burden, a form of continuous attack? We constantly want what we don’t have but fail to realize we can’t get what we never had. We have to find it first within us. Acceptance. Love Trust; The qualities that weren’t nurtured as much.

Growing up in dysfunction, it becomes you. As a child, you didn’t know you were sent here to evolve, to grow and apart of your growth is the very dysfunction that’s within you and partly due to the family that God sent you. Thing is, it was never meant to harm you but instead heal, help and guide you to become the best you, the true you, to be aware and recognize the God in you. After all, it was God who kept you.

The trick is this, to change the lenses we focus with. Change your focus to see – your mother and father, they too went through the same dysfunction that carried all those similarities, similarities that link and fuel this painful cycle of attack. Lack, mistrust, fear all stem from those qualities that weren’t there, weren’t there during your childhood, when you needed them most. Understand this, it was intended and used for your spiritual growth.

There is a breakthrough in all of this – your position is to love and accept yourself through this. Understand you are you and you’ve stood tall this long, in that alone tells you that you have been victorious on this walk! The true champion of this journey is you, so if there is anything within that causes disruption, let it go, forgive –it will only help you, help you to allow your healing to begin.

It was all a set up for our good from the beginning, but we got lost and thought we were just helpless victims. The victim to life, the drama, the pain but all of that was just to help you to know and to grow into the masterpiece you were born to become; to become aware, in a world filled with delusion, blame and stares. Even this – although seemingly unfair – it is necessary for the final victory. Light always transmutes darkness and in this we can know that our journey and lifelong quest will definitely lead to the ultimate conquest.

How do I forgive you – you’ve caused so much pain. How do I forgive when each time I look at you, I am forced to relive the pain? Pain caused from now and back then, how could you truly call yourself my friend? How do I forgive you – when you’ve promised to be your best you, but this continues to be untrue. How do I forgive you when all you see is a means to an end, through me? How do I forgive you when you fail to acknowledge the pain that you continue to cause me, pain from judgments, or talk of how you think I should be. How do I forgive you, yet you can’t hear me? How do I forgive you when it seems your main desire is to persecute and condemn me. How do I forgive you – you smile in my face, but talk behind my back. How can you really think you’re helping me like that? Forgiveness is necessary and vital, this is true, but how can I forgive a person who has no loyalty in this very truth.

The only thing you see is your opinion of me. You can’t possibly know all the pain that I feel within me. Pain from misuse and abuse, pain from my parents too. Pain from the misunderstandings of this world; Pain from being at one time or another both boy and girl. Pain from abuse, emotional and physical, how can I continue to live in a world so cynical?

Yet and still I know, that I am to forgive. Lets see how and where do I start? I can start by remembering you are only the affects of what grows in your heart. So, it is my duty to remain in that truth and continue to forgive and love you too. But if you choose to continue to harden your heart and hurt me, this simply means there is no truth in you yet, to be seen. You are walking in darkness and if continue on, I will be walking in darkness with you and no longer have a foundation to stand on. I must walk away once I am aware of this fact because my pain runs too deep to allow this type of emotional attack.